There was a time when moustaches were a badge of honour. A symbol of manhood. A sign of virility. That time was the 80s (ok, and 70s). I wanted to take a look at the moustaches that have had the biggest impact on us over the years. The hirsute upper lips that have made our bottom lips tremble, because they have added something special to the performance. For the final two I also have a comparison of the actors with and without their moustaches to show just how important their facial hair is. Whether you abbreviate it to a ‘tache’, a ‘stache’, or a ‘mo’, there’s no doubting that someone can wear a moustache, and others just can’t. Let’s dive in.
HONOURABLE MENTIONS
Lando Calrissian – Cool, dandy and extremely well trimmed.
Dick Dastardly – Perfect for twiddling in an evil way.
Man-at-Arms – A comforting, father-figurely ‘tache. When that moustache told me a moral at the end of an episode, I listened.
Mario – An ever-present, bushy moustache that has stayed pixel perfect no matter how much jumping Mario does.
10. Freddie Mercury
Freddie could rock a moustache. I don’t think many people would be able to do a lot of the sort of things Freddie did and still look cool. Not everybody would look cool with this moustache. But Freddie has the charisma to pull it off. I really found it difficult to watch the music video for The Great Pretender because he wasn’t sporting the ‘tache. It just looked wrong. Although I have to say that video has perhaps the best stage entrance ever.
9. Colonel K
It’s an interesting one this. Not sure it classifies as a normal moustache but I think it’s still in the family. It’s kind of like a joint between sideburns and a moustache. It used to have me in awe back in the day when I watched Danger Mouse. It’s marked down as a classic moustache in my book.
8. Wilf Lunn
Our US friends won’t know who Wilf Lunn is but he was a very cool, slightly eccentric inventor and TV presenter back in the 70s and 80s. Most known for his work on the programmes Vision On, Magpie, Eureka and Jigsaw. He was most known as an inventor, and one of his greatest inventions is THAT moustache. I wonder how much wax he went through. Perhaps he invented a wax creation machine.
7. Derek Smalls
There are many fantastic things about This Is Spinal Tap, but one of the most fantastic things is Derek Smalls’ moustache. It’s one of those moustaches that is already really bushy but then when it comes down the side of the mouth, and kind of has to start to naturally taper, it then says ‘I’m not finished!’ and insists on becoming even more bushy as it comes further down the face. Almost like sideburns but on the side the chin. This Is Spinal Tap might be a mockumentary but there is nothing fake about the awesomeness of this monumental moustache (unless it was actually a fake stick-on moustache, I’m not sure).
6. Hulk Hogan
It’s not the bushiest, but Hulk Hogan’s moustache is pretty iconic. If you see a cartoon silhouette of a handlebar moustache, most people would think about Hulk Hogan. If taking your vitamins every day gives you a moustache like this then hand me that Vitamin C bottle.
5. Wilford Brimley
Some people you really can’t imagine not having a moustache. I’m not even going to google Wilford Brimley without a moustache because to be honest I really don’t want to see it. Wilford’s moustache is part of my childhood. Wilford is his moustache, and his moustache is Wilford. You could probably make a Wilford Brimley comedy mask like the Groucho Marx ones, with the moustache and big glasses. Maybe that’s a sideline business I could start, making Wilford Brimley comedy masks.
4. Burt Reynolds
Burt’s moustache is not the biggest, or the bushiest or the shapeliest. But it’s just goddamn perfect on him. I don’t even know if I can describe it any more than that. It just works. He’s a good looking, charismatic guy, with dark hair and dark eyes anyway, and this dark moustache is the icing on the cake. Nice work, Burt.
3. Yosemite Sam
I didn’t really want to have a cartoon character this high up the list, but c’mon, this moustache is outstanding. He’s certainly not shy about having a ginger ‘tache, that’s for sure. It is huge. It goes down to his knees! And his eyebrows perfectly complement it as they are kind of like a smaller upside down version of the moustache. Great ‘tache, Sam.
2. Sam Elliott
Another Sam here, and a very, very close call between this moustache and the no.1 moustache. Sam Elliott is almost like a real life Yosemite Sam. In some films his moustache is enormous. He actually looked pretty cool without the moustache, as you can see below, but I still think the moustache is most definitely a good addition. I doff my cap to you Mr Elliott, and your majestic ‘tache.
1. Tom Selleck
It was actually quite tough, but in the end my original guess for the winner came through and pipped Sam to the post. When you think of moustaches you think of Tom Selleck. Or at least I do. It’s perhaps not the absolutely biggest or bushiest, but it’s still pretty hefty, and it’s perfectly groomed. The thought of Tom Selleck combing his moustache each morning gives me a warm feeling inside and makes me feel that everything is right with the world. And he just doesn’t look quite right without the moustache does he? In the almost words of Jerry Maguire, his moustache completes him. For these reasons above, Tom Selleck wins the Top Ten Moustaches.
